Happy Birthday

Another day, another tiring day. But that doesn't stop the fact that today is your birthday so, therefore: Happy 21st Birthday!

As a tribute, here's a cringe-worthy blog post I posted 6 years ago. Those were the times we were still best friends and it was weeks before we're no longer friends. (Pardon my 15-year-old grammar and typing skills).

Every year is the same, I wanted to send a simple 'Happy Birthday' wish but I'm too afraid because I do not want you to think that I was desperate or trying to get your attention. And also, a few days ago, I saw your photo with another girl. I'm glad you finally found your happiness. Such a lucky person :')

If COVID didn't happen and we are still able to bump into each other on a weekly basis, I would have gotten or baked you something. When we were 15, I promised you my homebaked pizza and a movie treat. 3 years later, I wrote you a lot of letters and bought you movie tickets. I still have your Linkin Park t-shirt which I bought months ago that's neatly kept inside my wardrobe and has not been used.

I still couldn't find the guts to pass it to you.

I need to stop being inferior to myself. I should not be afraid to chase for what I want. But I know that if I were to do that, I'll be in the way of your current happiness and love-life. When we were 15, you were so sad, and I wanted to wipe away your tears. But so was I, and I couldn't even wipe away my own tears. I'm just a ball of self-destructing machine, not easy to be loved and too negative for people for like me. Truth be told, this is why I don't have any friends.

But this isn't about me, it's about you.

I know you're spending the day in your National Service service (aka Tekong). I do not know what you're doing there or how your platoon mates would celebrate with you. Same as always, I hope you're doing fine. Every day I did not fail to make prayers for you that you remain healthy and, some day you'll find your own happiness. I'm glad that my prayers are answered.

I wanted to be a forever, but I was only a moment.